Well, that first year social was great! What a turnout! It was really encouraging to see the next generation of EU Science folk coming together and getting along really well! I'm so grateful for the chance to serve the EU Science group, which I love dearly. God has grown me so much through my fellowship with them, and I hope I can be a part of such growth for the others in the group.
Its a great chance to serve, and God willing I will do so to the best of my abilities. Yet now, as with many of the times in my recent life, I have no serenity in the decision. With Jess, it turned out for the best that I just couldn't stand the unrest any longer. I am still studying my BSc, despite the unrest I felt last year and despite realising that I will not use it directly in my vocation, and I'm at peace with that decision because it gives me more time to serve in the EU - at least 3.5 more years instead of 1.5. So here we have one situation where listening to the unrest brought good, and one where putting it behind me brought good. It was stronger with Jess - is every other time I feel it just an echo, or a memory of a fear of being taken somewhere I don't want to go that is conjured up by my imagination when faced with a decision? Is it just that, an imagination? Is it a deep psychotic fear that rears its ugly head when I need to make a decision that could change my life or take me into uncharted waters? Is it God trying to psych me out of going somewhere He doesn't want me? (I hardly believe this is God's way - he would speak more clearly than that). Is it Satan making me doubt the trustworthiness of the omnipotent God?
It is my bane.
It consumes my consciousness, sneaking through any half-open window and any door left ajar. I find it almost impossible to trust God, or even to come to God, when this happens because I am afraid of His answer. I become afraid to trust Him who alone is the only trustworthy one.
Maybe all I have to do is jump.
For someone who puts so much emphasis on logic, it's amazing that feelings can cripple me so much.
I think I should jump. His omnipotent arms will catch me, in His good timing.
I will serve; one way or another I will serve my serving Saviour. I think that this chance will be the way, but I will have to trust Him wholeheartedly.
Prayer meeting next door. I go to meet my Saviour.
I think maybe you should give a few months to get better accquainted with the issue and just be your wonderful, sweet self... then jump. There's my advice, after much deliberation. Wait, think, prepare for every outcome and then jump anyway. =)
ReplyDeleteWell as for the "something different" post, i was the one to make the move! =oP It did turn out for the best. The unrest was hurting me in the relationship, even though the end killed me. Just thought i'd say thanks for dropping in the foto's. My new place is much better than the last... Well, I'll leave it at that. Nite.
ReplyDeleteJess
It didn't kill you really Jess. Might have felt like it, but I think that with many painful things, the most painful times are when you're getting out of them. Take childbirth, for instance. Or life even. The whole thing is going to hurt a lot, and I reckon that leaving family and friends behind at death must hurt the most of all, but for the Christian there will be no more pain ever after that. Ever.
ReplyDeleteMaranatha!