bond

I saw "Quantum of Solace" today. I had heard mixed reports about it - everything from "It was really good" to "It has no plot". So, I sincerely hoped as I went that I would not be sorely disappointed. I was not.

I suspect that most of the disappointment with this movie is due to its breaking with the Bond tradition in one notable way: it is a sequel. None of those in the last decade and a half (the limit of my Bond experiences) have been a sequel, and I don't believe I've heard of any others (correct me if I'm wrong). However, "Quantum of Solace" can only be viewed as a sequel - it is the natural progression of the plot present in "Casino Royale". If viewed on its own, it would be completely unsatisfying. However, remembering "Casino Royale", I found it to be a thorough, enjoyable and satisfying sequel - possibly one of the best sequels I've ever seen. Unless there was an immense plot deficiency in the part I missed when I had a bathroom break, I think the negative commentary I have heard is unfounded, and I recommend you watch it - but only if you have seen "Casino Royale" first.

homicidal food

I saw a frightening sight in Coles today. Five shelves of yoghurt all telling me to die. "Die, die, die..."

Two steps later I realised I was looking at all the "Diet" yoghurt from a surprisingly threatening angle.

They're always telling us that artificial sweeteners will kill us, but I'm pretty sure that's not what they meant.

predominant

I have a question to those of you who are employed:

How long did it take before your work stopped being all you thought about?

I'm already frustrated about how much I talk about it, but it's also frustrating to wake up thinking about it. How long does it take to settle down into something you can safely ignore when you're not there?

Also, happy Christmas to all of you! :o)

self-reflection

"Iain thinks in facebook statuses."

This thought came to me today, after two "Iain is..." statements flashed through my head in a bizarre form of dialogue. I realised then that facebook is actually quite effective at making one think about how they are at any point in time, if that one frequently changes their status. I think this effect is heightened when that one tries to use creativity in their status formulation, since they look around them and into their deeper-than-surface thoughts for material. I'm fascinated by this... it seems relatively innocuous, but over time it has changed how I think. For better or worse, creating a single line of text in the third person at various times in the day has changed how I perceive the world. I don't know whether to be amused or scared... probably both!

In other news, my room echoes when I sniff.

I really enjoyed my time out of the city... I was so relaxed. I was relatively calm [no tired fingers, not clam, calm], happy, and pensive. I even bought myself a little holiday project - an instrument cluster for my car that has a tachometer! Woo! (it's really the automotive equivalent of an oscilloscope on a stereo - it tells you stuff you like to know but don't need to know - meh). I'm going to fit it sometime later this week, once I've figured out how to make the odometer reading match the one in my car so it's all legal and stuff. But yes, calm. I was able to think; this has escaped me over the last few weeks. I don't mean process, I mean think - the kind of thinking one does when one is washing the dishes and just feels like letting their mind frolick for a while. My mind has done some frolicking these last two days, and it's been great.

Also, there is nothing like the bush. I love it. I love that I could sit atop a mountain that sits above a freeway, seeing that freeway dwarfed and insignificant when compared to the vast forested hills and valleys beyond it. Green to grey to black of night... all beautiful.

I was also struck, walking back down the mountain in the dark, with the thought that I am technically a predator. Only in definition, I decided - though we sit atop the food chain, the majority of us have never even had to grow or kill our own food. Food could look me in the face and I'd pat it's head, unless it tried to eat me and then I'd probably run away. Some predator I am.

EDIT: I'm going to Club Veg!!! :oD

slow learners

I found myself wondering today why, after over 200 years of European presence here, we're still using so many European methods. We seem to forget that this country gets very, very hot. We use so many dark colours, we use so much water and recover so little, we don't make use of natural air flow, we dress in suits and ties, and we don't seem to expect the fires that the bush needs. We're pretty much living in a desert, using methods developed in one of the soggiest corners of the earth. I just don't think we've adapted to it very well!

P.S. For some reason I really enjoyed the south-west Sydney heat today. It's dry heat, not sticky. Nice.

P.P.S. I totally smurfed my MR knowledge test today, praise God! Next step: Induction!

second guessing

Something else I aways do is to second-guess the diagnoses of medical professionals.

As an example. I once went to an after-hours GP and was diagnosed with an outer ear infection. I looked it up and disagreed, seeing that my symptoms more closely matched a middle ear infection. My regular GP agreed and I got fixed up good.

Right now, I'm seriously doubting my need for glasses at all. I'm sitting in front of my computer with a bandana (spelling?) tied around my head covering my left eye, giving my right eye a bit of a chance to work. Apart from all the garbage my half-closed left eye is giving my visual cortex right now (funky patters... kinda looks like swarming bacteria), I can actually see letters on my computer's screen clearly. Much better than a few days ago, and no glasses.

Think I'm gonna have a word with my optometrist. First, though, I have to finish this darned essay.

outcomes

I always hypothesise the outcomes of hypothetical conversations.

These conversations aren't very far removed from possibility. Most of them are, in fact, fairly plausible, though I think that over the course of my life (and I have noticed myself doing this for many years), there might have been one time when something I'd hypothesised actually happened. For the most part, they depend on one particular event, or one particular turn in conversation, which is often quite contrived and dependent upon the clear expression of what is going on in my deepest thoughts... a rare occurrence. So at best, these hypotheticals show either what I would like to happen, or what I expect to happen.

When I hypothesise the outcome, it's equally telling. It shows what I want, or what I expect, and generally how much I want or expect it. Often there isn't even a set outcome, but just a sense of it. Whatever the case, it sets forth my feelings before my psyche with false tangibility. This sense of tangibility of the outcome of a conversation actually affects me. It can make me unreasonably angry, or it can make me unjustifiably hopeful. Either way gets me into trouble.

Hypothesised outcomes are hell to deal with when you're working with a limited emotional overhead.

To what extent is the "I'm not here, this isn't happening" approach a rational one? I know it's exceptionally hard to justify, but it's also somewhat instinctive. While the nature of a thing doesn't justify it, I still feel compelled to ask this question as I try to distinguish between healthy emotion and destructive self-pity.

More questions playing heavily on my mind: When did I get so short a fuse? How long is this foul temper going to last? And what can I do about it? What on earth can I possibly do about it? Is there any way I can avoid the hypothetically-concocted outcome?

cello

I saw my cello for the first time in a very long time tonight. It normally sits in the corner of the room in its case, but I opened the case to show my housemate. It only made me want to play it again even more. I'll have to give it a play these holidays, and see if I learn to play it functionally or something.

There are a lot of things I want to do over these holidays - I'm expecting it to be quite an exhausting time. If you notice me spending all my available time watching TV or playing computer games, please reprimand me. I don't want my life to be dominated by these things.

I'd really like to make some music.

Oh, and I'm about to become a fully-fledged academic - I'm getting reading glasses.

And in completely unrelated news, I'm still getting used to the fact that most of the people I hang out with are younger than my little sister! It's basically an unexpected and yet not entirely unpleasant redefinition of the word "peer". Man, it's going to feel weird when I finally find my feet in the world.

nationalism

Australia: "We are one, but we are many..."

America: "Though we are many, we are one..."

distraction

One early criticism of French opera, and indeed opera in general, came from a man named Charles de Marguetel de Saint-Denis, who was Seigneur de Saint-Evremond back at about the turn of the 18th century. In a letter to the Duke of Buckingham he made quite clear his distaste of opera and its musicality. In light of the very rich history of French theatre, he said that the musicality of opera served only to occupy the senses, drawing attention away from the lack of occupation of the mind, since the poetry was so poorly contrived as to take away from the representation of the plot.

I just realised, while studying Latin American culture while listening to music, that I'm using music for exactly that purpose. I'm listening to music in the hope that at least a small part of me will be even slightly interested in something.

rediscovery

I've been listening to a lot of Coldplay lately. It's been inspired by the need to do a presentation for my Music and Politics course at uni, but it's resulted in me finding again just how much I like this band. I'm particularly getting wrapped up in the latest album, "Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends". Weird name, I know, but the band just really seems to have taken up once again the challenge of pushing their own boundaries and not being satisfied with doing the same old stuff. It's a rich album that I've had to grow to like - it's largely different to any of the music from their first three albums, and the songs are pretty much quite different from each other. I would liken it to an art gallery with paintings by different artists in different styles, rather than a gallery of one artist's work. But anyway, I'm enjoying the experience, and of course it's not just the new stuff which I love. I still remember how awed I was when I first heard "Shiver". That is a great song.

Could anyone provide be with the reason so many people dislike Coldplay?

Music is my solace at the moment. The rest of life is hard. I think adulthood is staring me in the face and daring me to stare it back down, and I'm not sure I have the strength yet. I still feel as though I'm a boy playing grown-ups with my friends, and I laugh at myself inwardly for taking everything so seriously. The thing is, food matters. Having a roof overhead every night is no game. Being polite and loving actually affects how life plays out. Sitting around studying the Bible has eternal ramifications. Organising a uni Christian group affects people's lives both now and forever. Part of me feels the weight of these things, but part of me is rejecting this knowledge as though it was a splinter under the skin of my psyche, and so I am feeling more escapist than ever right now. Now, when I need most to have my eyes open and facing forwards.

Speaking of eyes, my right eye is getting weak. First time I've ever not been able to read the bottom line of an eyesight test was yesterday with just my right eye. That's a little disappointing, but I've known something's been up for a while. It explains why my left eye feels tired most nights - it's compensating for the right one. I think I'm going to see an optometrist when things settle down.

humble me

"You humble me, Lord" - the words of a song by Norah Jones. Surprising to me when I first heard them, both because I didn't expect her to sing those words and because I knew instantly that I could relate.

I am so tired. Life isn't easy at the moment, and I'm even finding myself being tired of being stressed about it. I never thought that was possible, but it makes it somewhat easier. To be stressed is the last thing I need right now - I need clarity, diligence, patience and peace. To not worry about not having these things in as great an abundance as I would like... that is helpful. That is why I can sleep at night.

[blank]

[this post left blank because the author has had too many late nights, is over-entertained, and has complexes about both his intellectual capabilities and his physical decline made painfully evident when sitting in a computer chair by his flabby stomach, all of which have negatively influenced his ability to write creatively]

turbulence

These are turbulent times on the 'book...

I've never noticed such a wide gap between those who are happy and those who are not.

"Joe Bloggs is overjoyed", etc...

"John Doe hurts", etc...

these are interesting times indeed

falling

What do you do with inadequacy?

I can't help but feel, at times, that everything we do in life is a game... pointless, trivial, weak, insignificant...

I want to slap the person who wrote the song that says, "It feels like I'm falling and that's what it's like to believe". That is the most idiotic description of faith I have ever heard. No, faith is the knowledge that even though you're hurtling towards the ground, God won't let even one of your limbs break. You have faith that God is in control, but falling is about a complete lack of control rather than the deferral of control to another who is more capable.

That is where I am tonight.

variation

Jesus loves you, this I know,
For the Bible tells me so,
Each of us to Him belong,
We are weak, but He is strong.
Yes, Jesus loves you,
Yes, Jesus loves you,
Yes, Jesus loves you,
The Bible tells me so.

meteorology

Whatever you have to say about the man, Mark Driscoll has done wonders for the blogosphere lately :o)

peace

A number of years ago, I wrote about a peace I had on that particular day. Somehow, that peace has eluded me one way or another on almost every day since. I wonder at it: where did it go? Did it go the same way as the feelings of contentment I used to have at the warmth of the sun, the cool of the breeze, the sight of the trees? Was it ever mine to begin with?

I used to write so much poetry... I miss whatever it was in me that enabled such passionate expression. I miss feeling like I could write anything I felt. There are too many consequences now.

disturbing, saddening, maddening...

Please, please, brothers and sisters... just what are we doing?

Perhaps it's because we live amongst a culture of popularity, where pin-ups are gods and the rich and famous are household names. Perhaps it's because we live amongst a culture of intellectualism, where those who are smart (or those who sound smart) are elevated above us, by us, onto our own shoulders. Or perhaps it's because we live in a culture of blindness, where you have to look very, very hard to see through the endlessly-propagating spin to the truth. Whatever it is, we have no excuses as Christians for living in these same ways - God alone is to be our all-in-all, and we are to be His holy people.

Why then, when we are called to be holy - separate, distinct, set apart for God - do we treat some preachers as celebrities? Why, when we know that God's word can be spoken powerfully through an ass, do we flock to gifted biblical orators as though God's word spoke more powerfully through them than through the rest? Why do we malign the good, godly, Spirit-enacted ministries of these orators by idolising them?

Seriously, if you are a fan of Mark Driscoll, ask yourself why. Is it because he is your brother in Christ and you support his ministry, or because you are in awe of him as a preacher? Or more subtly: is it because he expounds the word of God faithfully, or because he expounds the word of God faithfully and in a clearer manner than your minister at church? I want to suggest to you that the second of each of these is idolatry.

Or similarly, ask yourself this: Am I going to Burn Your Plastic Jesus and taking my friend because my friend needs to hear the gospel, or am I going because I think my friend could get a lot out of Mark Driscoll preaching the gospel and I would get a lot out of it too...? Or likewise: Do I go to Barneys for the community of believers God has placed me in, or do I go because sometimes I get to hear Ian Powell preach and he's really good? Do I go because the word of God is taught faithfully at Barneys, or do I go because the word of God is taught faithfully at Barneys by Ian Powell or Malcolm Gill or Mike Paget? Again, the second of each of these is idolatry.

I will never say a word against the faith in Christ or against the work of God in the lives of Mark Driscoll, Ian Powell or any other solidly biblical preacher you may name. The fruit borne of their ministries is enough to convince me that God works through them and in them. This word is against myself for being an idolater - for holding up Ian Powell and others as preachers par excellence and failing to give the glory to God. And this word is against you, if you too have idolised your preacher.

I'm writing this principally in response to the celebrity of Mark Driscoll, spurred on by the 20-minute sell-out of Engage with Don Carson and Mark Driscoll headlining. Again, nothing against these men - everything against treating them as stars. Brothers and sisters, they proclaim Jesus!!! Who on Earth are we to take them and lift them up as they seek to hold Him up? If they will be glorified (and they will), let them be glorified by God, and not by our hands. We are the temples of the Holy Spirit, not of Driscoll and Carson - let our hands be sanctified for the glorification of God, not dirtied by idolatry. And furthermore, Driscoll and Carson are temples of the Holy Spirit. Do not worship the temple, but the One who lives inside. Do not worship the talk, but the One the talk is about. Do not worship the image - worship the Creator.

I am angered by this. My anger isn't righteous, I know, because I have sinned here too. I am fairly certain, though, that I'm not just sprouting hot air. We have sinned, and we are sinning, and God has called us out of it. I myself have refused to go to a Mark Driscoll talk or to even listen to his talks simply because of the hype surrounding him. I would listen, because everything I have heard from him or about him has been solid, but the hype is too great. I think this hype is the most obvious example of this sin today, but that it is symptomatic, like many of our problems as evangelicals, of deeper sin - perhaps of the pride we take in our good preachers and theologians, perhaps in the shame we hold for our boring ones. May God help us out of it, and to God be the glory.

interesting

So I've noticed a few interesting things today...

1. There's a vaccine available for chickenpox.

2. They're making an Australian version of human tetris. It's gonna be called Hole in the Wall, and it's coming on soon. Australian television has reached a new low.

3. Usain Bolt is amazing!

4. Walking is a sport for weeds. I think I also saw the Aussie bronze medalist grinning as the Russian anthem was played. Maybe he watched The Hunt for Red October when he was younger and remembers a submarine full of Soviet men singing it.

5. Red Rooster's ads playing on how China loves red just make me think "Communists!"

6. I like the smooth water in front of the olympic swimmers.

fifth year

The chairs in half the room have changed,
The other half remain the same...
The same as they've been since they were changed.
Does anything remain the same?

The caf sells Indian now, and wine,
The art has moved with changing times,
Old friends have left, can't hear me whine:
Does anything remain the same?

The street across the road has gone,
And in its place, a spacious throng,
An improvement, but a costly one,
Does anything remain the same?

The people here who sit around
Sit in the place of last year's crowd,
Diff'rent folk the old words sound,
Does anything remain the same?

I ponder, as I plod the race,
A four-year fixture in this place,
The fact that I, even I, have changed.
Does anything remain the same?

-- Iain Hart

lost

It's remarkably easy to lose yourself in work once you get into it. It's a distraction from distractions for a sloth like me. It feels healthy, and maybe it is, but it's unusual.

"Shouldn't I be agonising over something worthless right now?"

Maybe this is just what I need.

"What I want and what I need are two different things... or are they? Maybe they're not so different anymore..."

Maybe I want to change.

"I hate change."

I hate to stagnate.

"I want to rest."

fix

I can fix my car, a bit anyway.

I can fix my computers, both of them.

I can fix bits of my house.

Why can't I fix myself?

here again

I am inspired to question at this moment in time why life is so cyclic.

I am not inspired to question why I am so vague... that I know... I'm a fruitloop.

Could that also be why life is so cyclic?

acrostic

Adam's child, I bore his brand,

Burdened daily, nightly, ever,

Chained by foot and bound by hand,

Death my only true endeavour,

Every move the act of sin,

Following the first man's ways -

Guilty hands stained from within

Have no will themselves to change.

I was helpless, without hope for

Justice must be satisfied -

Kinder men have been condemned -

Life lived well can never end

My sin and leave me justified.

Now my life is freed forever

Of that bondage to decay,

Purified of sin to never

Quake within death's hold again.

Ransomed by Messiah's blood,

Sin-stained hands made sanctified,

Trusting only in my Lord

Until by Him I'm glorified.

Victory in Jesus' Name -

What a treasure, giv'n so free!

Xenophilic God who died,

You who rose to justify, my

Zenith You will ever be.

-- Iain Hart

notes

What I noted today (inadvertently in chronological order):

1. I need a wetsuit for getting to and from uni on my bike on days like this

2. I don't want to to a good job of my last music assignment... I want to do something exceptional

3. French and Spanish oral tests on the same day is generally a bad action plan

4. Wine helps you speak French when you know a fair bit of French, but doesn't really help you speak Spanish when you don't know much Spanish and you've already used it to speak French

5. Harrison's Pharmacy in Broadway is open past 6pm

6. When your laptop's screen keeps turning itself off because it thinks it's closed when it's not, it's hard to blog

blackjack

I saw the new movie 21 tonight. It was quite a decent movie, though it didn't really grip me that much. I think I was put off by the pervasive greed. Still, a well-made and enjoyable movie!

I would love to have a day off tomorrow, but that won't happen. There is a music assignment pressing, a Spanish test to study for, and things to be done in organising a debate for EUSci. I know that I have things pretty light compared to most people I know, but what really makes a difference to how you feel is how light you feel you can handle things to be. I don't feel particularly strong under things at the moment, and so each day is a day with a pack to be shouldered as I wake and shed as I slowly drift into unconsciousness at the day's distant other end.

I wish I knew how I worked... I have a feeling life would be easier that way. I am not and have never been a simple guy. Even twenty-three-and-three-quarter years as my own closest companion haven't taught me every nuance of my psyche. Is this normal? Or is this where the entire discipline of philosophy had its birth?

catharsis

I painted today. It was very cathartic. I painted a gradient of blues, and I'm going to continue the painting/catharsis tomorrow/sometime.

'Connect' tonight was on relationships. It's always fun... there's often a lot of tension in the room because people tend to take it more seriously as a subject, and so jokes go down really well! Not jokes told by me - there aren't many of those. It was also an interesting night, with the usual large amount of food for thought that comes with almost any Connect session.

And no, that's all I'm going to say about it :oP

potential absentee

So it's turned into another late night (seems this would be where my passion has gone...), and I've just re-discovered that I have a meeting at 8am this morning. Dave, this is why I'm not there :oP

weary

I'm so weary... where did my passion go?

experiment

I've decided to carry out a little experiment... Since my other blog is (yet again) unused, I decided to attempt yet another method by which to use it... I've converted it to French, and hope to use it to practice my French writing, thinking and commentary. If you know how to read, write, speak, think, etc. in French, please drop in and comment! As usual, it's at http://mrbiteme.blogspot.com.

In other news, I'm tired and (apparently) a whole lot less creative than I was three years ago!

astounding

I think that some of the most amazing words that Jesus ever spoke were these:

"I tell you the truth ... before Abraham was born, I am!"

 - John 8:58

At the moment, I'm in awe of this man who is God eternal, and grappling with trying to understand those who don't believe He is God. My housemate Darv and I are preparing for a return visit from our local Jehovah's Witnesses, reading up on Jesus' divinity and the Trinity as these were two prominent topics in last week's conversation. Their translation reads something like:

"I tell you the truth ... before Abraham was born, I have been"

...which is very different in meaning, and is actually an incorrect translation. The verb "to be" is the same as is translated into the present tense in many other places in John's gospel, and yet here it is translated into the past tense. In the original Greek, Jesus says "I am", and not "I have been", and so they have changed the Bible - and not just at this point, may I add. This does make me angry, but I'm also filled with compassion to hear that Jehovah's Witnesses are trained not to think for themselves. They accept without question what the Watchtower Society teaches - in fact they are taught to accept it without question. In contrast to the Biblical education I'm receiving through Barneys and the Evangelical Union, which teaches me to both listen to God's Word and to think about it - about what it means and about how to apply it to life - I can see just how poor and lost they are. This has changed my whole outlook on Thursday morning's rendez-vous - I had been going to approach it with fervent declarations of the truth, but now I have been shown that what is needed is for these poor people to begin to think for themselves about the lies they have been taught. Once they question what they have been taught, maybe then we can show them the truth.

This is strange to me... I have spent so much of my life trying to avoid doubts about my faith, and now here I am preparing to sow doubts into someone else's faith. And it occurs to me now that herein lies the importance of thinking about and wrestling with God about one's faith - faith you don't understand in a God you don't know is a perilous, if not outright damaging, place to be. It's sad that so many stop here though, when God so readily gives the truth to those who seek it... to those who seek Him with all their heart.

Please pray for Darv and I, that we wouldn't be arrogant, that we would be loving, that we would be patient, and that we would depend on our Lord Jesus Christ to provide us with answers through the Holy Spirit our Counsellor.

holidays

Ten letters can't possibly do everything justice.

Whenever I sit down to write lately, everything comes to mind all at once. The resulting bottleneck often leads to nothing coming out, or at least in a feeling of apathy when I see what kind of mish-mash I'd have to sort through to get out anything intelligible.

Oh well, I guess that's the way of it.

I saw a movie tonight - No Country for Old Men. It was strange - well-put-together, poignant yet light in parts, and yet it leaves you wondering, "Huh?" at the end. I'm not so sure whether my feeling of confusion was due to incomprehension or disbelief... oh well. It was good, just confusing.

I've been AWOL from the internet lately (not that one needs leave to be away from the internet... pay heed, you facebook addicts!), largely due to the laziness of my holidays, the addictiveness of Oblivion, and the amorous side of life. I didn't really miss facebook all that much... don't worry, dear friends, I did miss you, and still do! I just didn't miss sitting on facebook for three hours in the middle of the night waiting for someone else to come online so I could superpoke them. No, I didn't miss that, and I've been able to do a few useful things in my new-found spare time, like fix things and watch copious amounts of Law and Order... yes, sceptic, it'll be useful if I ever have to go to court :oP hehehee

Oh holidays... parting will be such sweet sweet sorrow...