one: spiritual maturity vs. marriage

“Spiritual maturity is more important than marriage.”

This really isn't where I wanted to start this review. I feel like I'm always talking about relationships, and it does wear thin... but this is different. This is not something that came from Rowan's or Steve's talks, and nor did it come from reading the Bible or praying while at AnCon. Well, not directly anyway. It's a conclusion I drew after watching the way I was thinking. It's a conclusion that is so markedly different from my normal way of thinking that it stuck with me as solidly as any of the great truths that were expounded to us. It's the first thing I wrote down on my whiteboard, so I'm going to write about it first here.

The thoughts in question went something like this:

“Hmmm... that [name removed]... she's a nice girl... Oh come on man! Stop it. There are more important things to think about.”

I guess, on reflection, this is more of an indication of how highly I valued what God was teaching me about Himself and myself at the time. Everything I learnt at AnCon both fit with what I already knew about God and made sense of the same, such that I found myself almost completely unconfused by the end. Now, I know what AnCon's like. This was my sixth. It should have been like wading through intellectual mud by Thursday at the latest, but it wasn't. As if that wasn't the work of the Spirit... I'm an Anglican for goodness sake! The Spirit should make no sense to me! Praise God that He cares more about teaching His children than about nurturing stereotypes. I love that the Teacher taught me last week, and I know that I wasn't the only one - for at least three days afterwards facebook was full of “I'm sick, but God changed my life”. God be praised!

Anyhow, from these thoughts I did come to the conclusion that to work on spiritual maturity is more valuable than to find a wife (or husband, if you're a girl, which I'm not). Jesus died for me and His Spirit is sanctifying me while leading me towards His rest. If the search for a wife (or husband) is inspired by the desire for love, then surely His love eclipses any you could ever find. The older you get and the more you watch yourself live life, the more you realise you're completely unworthy for that kind of love. You might expect affection from an equal, or even chase it in someone you think is slightly above your par, but God... no. His love is unwarranted, un-looked-for, unbounded and oh so rich.

It's the thought of sanctification that really gets me: that God would take of His righteousness and wisdom and give it to me as we walk together, rather than just dragging me along behind him through the dust. I think I remember someone once saying that God loves us just the way we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way. That's a seriously sweet deal for us. I was taught piano by a master pianist, and it was good. To be taught life and holiness by the Master of everything... priceless. As if you wouldn't want that more than anything. I certainly want to make better use of His teaching than I do of my piano lessons.

I do feel like I need to put a good word in for marriage (well, you know, insofar as any single guy can). My pastor preached from Ephesians 5 on Sunday, emphasising how the marriage relationship mirrors the relationship between Jesus and the church. Using Genesis 2, he described to us how it's not a begrudged union, but that Jesus takes extatic delight in His bride, much like Adam did with Eve. The ability to mirror that, and to be (as it were) a small scale edification and delight factory, is a definite plus for marriage. My daily routine of listening to a radio devotional at 4am while trying to wake up for work also led me to hear some good things this week: Firstly, that a man's spiritual maturity is crucially important for the good of his family - this was challenging to hear, even as a single guy. Secondly, that parents are better parents when they live first as husband and wife, and second as father and mother, since (i hypothesise here... what do you think?) they are drawing on the example of Christ's relationship with the church, rather than that of their own fallen parents. Also, I have heard someone say that having children is the easiest way to make new Christians... and i have to admit that sounds kinda fun. Anyway, I feel as though God was trying to reign in my thoughts on marriage a little, and remind me that it is actually a good thing (1 Timothy 4:3) and that I shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater. It's a good thing, and yet it's not the best thing. The best one to seek after when you're single is still Jesus, not Wifey Dear. Marriage can supplement what Jesus gives, but Jesus gives all you need.

So, with the greatest love ever and the promise of sanctification, surely spiritual maturity is the more valuable goal for a young Christian guy to set his heart on. True, a life lived in Christ may include marriage, but only as a temporary perk of the job (if at all). The real goal is, as the Westminster Chatechism puts it, “to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever”. Next time you talk to a single Christian guy/girl, please try to follow this principle: Instead of asking them how they're coping with their gift of singleness, or asking whether they're meeting lots of other lovely young people, or subtlely dropping hints about Betty/Fred, that new girl/guy at church who you think is also single... instead of this, ask them how they're going at living for Christ, at glorifying God in their life and at keeping in step with the Spirit. Seek their eternal good, and let God satisfy their other desires as He chooses.

“But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.”
- Philippians 3:7-11, NIV, taken from BibleGateway.com