lostboard

eBay can be annoying sometimes... :oP

Happy Christmas to you all!

Glory be to the Lord Jesus Christ!

cardboard keeps busy

I don't really, but I stole the line from Alias (more or less).

I'm just sitting at my girl's place right now, typing this post while watching episodes from Alias season 1. It's good, but I've already seen season 3 so it's kinda just filling in the details for what I've already seen. It's good though, coz although it's slightly more amateur than the others, it's got some really good cinematography, and of course it's a great show.

Do you like the changes I've made to my blog? I'm using the new version of Blogger, and it's much more customisable than the old one. I like it :o)

I'm still thinking about how to better use my other blog, since it's pretty much unused right now. Any ideas? Anyone want to help me?

the philosophy of cardboard

The other day, Darv told me that the opposite of love wasn't hate, but apathy.

I reckon that both hate and apathy are opposite to love, but in different ways. Hate is the opposite of love in that the feelings described by the word are negative rather than positive, but a relatively similar amount of passion are evident in both hate and love. Apathy, on the other hand, could be considered to be the absence of any passion, thus making it the opposite of both love and hate.

If you think about it long enough, you end up with a triangular system like this:

And so each of love, hate and apathy has two opposites. You might call this a "trichotomic system" perhaps, as opposed to the more familiar love/hate dichotomy...?

Thoughts?
Can anyone think of any other trichotomic systems?

cardboard tears

What do you do
when the road you walk
is the way you know
and of which you talk
incessantly as
such a wearisome path,
devoid of peace
in the aftermath
of fantasy and
of ideation,
while iron cuffs
of your own creation -
that have a key
somewhere around,
if only it
was to be found -
embrace your wrists
with cold hard grip
and lead you on
where you will slip
and fall...

So yeah, I'm feeling a bit down now, and I'm tired which is why I'm writing about it in a place where the world can find out. I'm unhappy without good reason. If only life was simpler, free of confusion, angst and everything else that is stopping me from being where I should be right now. Some say that pain gives life its richness. Well, too much richness and you feel sick. And when you feel sick, your mind just doesn't work properly.

The old ways just keep coming back...

The old ways must die.

maths is fun, cardboard is funner

Oh maths, how I love thee with the fire of a thousand smouldering cigarette butts...

I'm learning so much as I study... things I should have learned in first year but never did. It's amazing how much of the stuff they teach you, they actually expect you to know.

Better get back to it...

Feel free to distract me in any way possible. Actually, that's a lie - I'm enjoying it. But I'll still welcome a momentary distraction.

cardboard up late

Why am I up this late... again?

I'm a little tired of it.

cardboardus nullius

I really don't have much to say - I'm just posting because procrastination is my most proficient skill. I'm almost finished my composition portfolio, and I think I'll hand that in today, then probably waste the rest of the day and start studying for Maths tomorrow. Mmm it's so hard to work now that there's no more class... anyone else get that feeling?

In other news... nope, there's no other news that I can think of. I mean, there's probably lots going on, I just can't think of it.

sifting gently through the hand
time leaves no trace
when no trace you leave in time

cardbored

Hello, world.

The above sentence was apparently the output string of the first computer programs that programming students were taught how to write, or something like that.

That has no relevance to anything.

I'm thoroughly bored.

I'm sitting in a computer lab, just filling in time before my maths lecture, and then I'm going to skip Equip and go home to get some work done. Getting work done in the hours between 4 and 8 is very hard for me, but it needs to be done - I've got a heck of a lot to do. I might actually need to plan it.

[plans afternoon and evening]

Gosh, when you put everything in half-hour blocks, it really makes you wonder how you waste so much time normally.

I'm so tired that even though each of my subjects is great, I don't feel like doing any of them. That's no reason not to though. Dammit.

cardboard likes a biff

A friend of mine (no really, I have a wonderful girlfriend, so I'm really not talking about myself here) is having a relationship dilemma. I felt like blogging something controversial, so I'm going to talk to the big wide world about it.

My friend says, and I quote:

Girls rarely make any moves. The ones who do end up happy; the ones that don't end up whining.

Now, since my girl made the first move, and she's happy, I tend to agree with him.

Also, my friend's a quality guy, who's very godly and strives for holiness - and I'd like to reference an earlier post on "Internet Footprints" (see link to Emma & Katie's blog) which says that godliness is attractive.* He's bolder than me in making moves, and he's done so... but why, when he's put himself out there on the Western Front, is he not seeing any action?

Here's my theory - none of the girls he's interested in have the courage to say anything about it, even if he's said something to them. Now sure, conversations like that can be awkward, particularly if they're not interested, but he's got a number of people who he suspects are interested in him and they just don't say anything. Even when he says something, they don't.

To quote Peter Griffin of Family Guy, "This grinds my gears."

Shape up girls, or I'm going to have to put on my Mr Bite-me face again and steal all of your chocolate. All you little Miss Angsts, you have no excuse.


*It's since been made aware to me that this post and the following comments were deliberate acts of spading in a very specific situation, but I believe that the principle still holds universally.

cardboard solves problems

I just finished my maths assignment before 8:30! That represents less than 3hrs work on the assignment as a whole, 2hrs yesterday afternoon and less than an hour this morning. I like that! It's so much better than any physics assignment could ever be, unless it was a first year Mechanics assignment. I like maths.

I woke up very early, c. 6:00, and dozed for about half an hour before succumbing to the inevitable forces of awakedness, but managed to cram another hour of solid warmth in before finally braving the... warmth... of the morning. It looks like it's going to be a stunning day, and I'm looking forward to doing a fat lot of nothing much in it. I think I need a hit of Vitamin D. The uni life doesn't cater for such necessities if you're a Science student or EUer or both.

I wish I could say that I'm sorry to see the EU Science mission over, but I'm not. Hopefully we reached some people for Christ, even though the tide of apathy that is encroaching the heart of our culture is so hard to swim against. But for me, I'm just glad for some time off right now, time where I don't have to act like someone I'm not, time where I can take the back seat without throwing someone else in the deep end up front, time where I can battle my emotions instead of repressing them to battle something else.

Another thing I like is a limerick...

There once was a man they call Farge,
Whose head in circumf'rence was large,
In truth he was snappy,
Though outwardly happy,
When folk thought his head was a barge.

End poetry lesson for today.

wet cardboard

Wet cardboard gets saggy and isn't much good for anything...

Normally the rain makes me feel good. Today it just isn't helping. It's actually contributing to me feeling quite miserable. The real source of my misery is that my heart is 475.4 km away from where it would normally be, skiing down a hill (I can't really call them mountains...) and having a wonderful time (which is great, don't get me wrong!), and I just miss her heaps :o(

The rain just isn't helping.

cardboarditis

cardboarditis: (n.) general name for any chronic illness involving cardboard.

random!

The EU Science Social was good and contained at least three of the things I'm quite fond of - food, soccer and great people. Yay for socials!

cardboard lives on

Long time no blog, hey!

Just wanted to share something with the world...

I've had quite a revelation over the last few days. I actually have a fear of the mundane, everyday things that make up most of life. It's played out in discontentedness, in acquaintances who could be friends, in the constant search for entertainment, in constantly wanting to be on the road, and in not feeling settled when things go well. It negatively affects the way I feel about most of life, and it's totally unjustified.

There is nothing wrong with the mundane. The fact that life is full of the mundane is no mistake - they are the building blocks of sociality and community. Being discontent with them only causes a relentless search for excitement that is rarely sated - sure it's fun when excitement comes, but what about when the buzz wears off? When will the next buzz come? Can I have it now? I'm not feeling it... I need it... nothing is good without it... What kind of life is that? One that will never be satisfied. Being content with the mundane allows you to be content without excitement, and lets you just be excited when something exciting comes along. It allows you to be content with where you're at, and I guess that allows you to put your energy into things outside of yourself, rather than into feeding your addiction to entertainment. It allows you to find life rewarding rather than tiresome, peaceful rather than dreary, pleasant rather than unsettling.

I was a little disturbed to discover this fear, but I'm glad I have, because it's letting me counter it. After all, if a (relatively ordinary) human life is good enough for Jesus to take on, it's sure good enough for me. I'm already discovering in small but rewarding ways how much easier life is if you're not concerned about the buzz.

life at 5

Life at 5am shouldn't really be any different from life at 9am, or at 1pm, or any other time. There is no time of the day when Christ's Lordship switches on or off. Nor is there an analogous time of life when Christ's Lordship switches on in life, since Christ is Lord of all for all time. I think that's why we use the words "accept Jesus" or "acknowledge Jesus" when we talk about conversion. It should be natural that belief in Jesus' death and resurrection and his authority over all things would lead you to the conclusion that "you" are included in "all things" and that your life void of the acknowledgement of His lorship and of the appropriate marks of this reality is really not getting you anywhere good. Jesus' lordship brings life, so where does that lead you if you're not living under Jesus' lordship?

I've been really challenged lately to know what it is to live under Christ's lordship as His disciple... there's much thought to be done about it, which is half of the point of the matter. It's a lifelong thing to think about and pray about and search out where Jesus is calling you to go and/or what He is calling you to do. But it's only half of the matter, because knowing where to go is utterly useless unless you go there, and therein lies the challenge.

So what am I doing up at 5am? Well I got thirsty, and thought I could use the time. It's now almost 7, and I've been flipping through e-Sword (the Sword of the LORD with an electronic edge - www.e-sword.org) and looking at all the references in the New Testament to Jesus being called Lord. One verse stood out to me: "Why do you call me 'Lord, Lord', and not do what I tell you?" (Luke 6:46, ESV). Obedience matters to this Lord of ours. The Bible is full of the fact that salvation is from God alone and that obedience must follow, and following in obedience is the essence of discipleship.

Much to ponder, and much to change.

cardboard + halo

It's hard to beat playing 12-player halo in one's loungeroom until the wee hours - except of course by going to sleep and sleeping in enough to make you able to rationalise it the next morning. That's not going to happen. *psyches himself up for a halo hangover*

I knew the "all-nighter" was never going to happen.

ignorant cardboard

Who of you has watched John Saffran vs. God? I watched some yesterday, and found it quite funny. Then I watched the episode where he visits the exorcist. After watching, it took me about 10 minutes before I moved out of my seat, which affirms what I believe about ignorance being the greatest work of Satan over Western society. Nobody acts like that.

It makes me recall something from a C.S. Lewis essay that was read to us at Connect one night this year. Part of the vibe was that there is no such thing as a mortal human being - after God's final judgement we will eternally be either a creature of unimaginable glory or of unimaginable horror, according to whether we are saved or not. We aren't this yet, but we have been given a deposit to guarantee it. We who are saved have the Holy Spirit of the living Jesus in us, whose glory our eyes can't see except in changed lives and hearts, which rightly point us to God as the source of these. But the glory of the Holy Spirit dwelling in us would be all too evident to the demons in the world (and why should there be fewer of those in the world now than there were when Jesus walked the earth?), and that would fill them with terror. Something interesting to ponder... Satan is scared of us. Why else would he attack us with a curse of ignorance? If we were aware of all He did, then surely we would be far more effective tools against Him in Christ's hand than we are now.

P.S. If my rants ever turn heretical, please tell me.

comfort

"As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him."
- Psalm 18:30, NIV


Who can deny it, when He brings good out of all situations?

memory

cardboardwagon

Bandwagons are fun to jump on. If you want to, you can imagine yourself doing some James Bond-esque manoeuvre involving a fast car, a ridiculously intense situation and a perilously attractive foreign national, but that's not necessary.

[space]:http://spaces.msn.com/cardboardsword

cardboard graffiti

Check out the Graffiti Tunnel! We painted it today!

*brrr*

help

could you please pray for me?
tiredness is distractingly high
motivation is inexplicably low
apathy is dangerously present

rhetorical cardboard

I was struck on the weekend by the image of my grandfather's loneliness, brought about by my grandmother living in a nursing home because of dementia. She's not at home anymore, physically or mentally. How could he hold up under that... with going to see her every day; seeing her make so little sense and forgetting her grandchildren and talking about people who died years ago as though they were still alive and being unable to function properly after being so sharp for so long, then going home to a house that is empty for the first time in more than fifty years? And why, oh why, do I want to be in his shoes?

random think of the day iii

it's no mistake that "loneliness" doesn't have "u" in it...

for evermore

the king of chaos overruled;
by light, the darkness ever fooled;
delight: the blazing longswords still
and ringing yet of conquest's thrill.
the vanquished foe becomes no more,
and victory crowns glory's door
for evermore.

the king of glory, saints surround;
such light, for glory does abound;
no night: the glory never fades,
it sings the kingdom's accolades:
from start of days the king foresaw,
that bitter death would this day fall
for evermore.

the king of mercy seated nigh;
by blood, the fallen lifted high;
a flood: the saved who stood in faith;
their hope confirmed, they see his face.
all joy on earth will never draw
the like of this joy, without flaw
for evermore.

cardboard criminal

[before]

[after]

In my defence, I'd only just woken up.

$608 and rising.
(if you need a receipt, talk to me)

for the cardboard waits with eager longing

FWA 06 - who would have thought? When you mix a handful of Christian nerds, a life giving message and a lot of pegs, you'd expect something remarkable... but I never, despite my eager excitement, could have imagined just how much life would be given.

Now, I feel the need for a formula:

Sleep Requirement: S(T) = N(w) + ALσ(n) exp(F(t)Φ(t)) / s(t+T)

where F(t) = food consumption over time
Φ(t) = fun acquisition over time
s(t) = sleep acquisition over time
σ(n) = general spading activity per camp attendee
L = teaching quality factor
A = arbitrary personality constant
t = time since start of camp
T = time since end of camp
N(w) = formula writer's nerd factor: function of formulas written

Watch this space, I'll write soon.

cardboard + heat = exothermic reaction + increased entropy of system

of greater worth than cardboard

There's an illness I've noticed that we Australians can suffer from, and I hereby choose to call it LCS - Lonely Culture Syndrome. Our culture is so far removed from it's roots that we experience a distance from the world around us. It is the result of being surrounded by countries with non-European cultures, and being so far from the European cultures from which many of our ancestors came. They brought with them what they could when they settled here but that could only go so far, and even today with seemingly limitless electronic communications connecting us to the rest of the world, Australia remains geographically isolated from the cultures that seem familiar to our own. I speak from my experiences - England felt like home when I went there, because it was familiar, yet it was so, so far away from home. Being home now, I know I am home but I do feel a long way from anywhere. I think that since we feel distant, we become detached. The events of world history, and even the events of today, can feel like stories made up specially for TV so stressed-out business people can imagine that there's worse things going on when they get home after a 12hr day at the office. I felt very sobered walking around Berlin, where events of huge world significance occurred even in my own short lifetime. Those things actually did happen, right there. That stretch of the Berlin Wall is not a replica. People actually died because of decisions made in that building. And in Dachau, about 60 years ago, there was a pile of dead bodies outside that building when the Americans came along and liberated the concentration camp. It is stunning, and alarming, just how unreal it felt just because it was so real.

Why am I writing about this now, when it's late and I could be sleeping? Because I believe I have found the reason for the notable absence of some spiritual gifts in our churches. Have you ever stopped to think why we see no miracles these days? Or like me, do you simply think that miracles these days are limited to what may seem, to the untrained eye, to be coincidences? Let me ask you: what has changed about God since Jesus and the Apostles walked the earth, since the blind received their sight, the lame walked, the lepers were cleansed, the deaf heard, the dead were raised and the poor were preached the good news? Has God's Spirit been weakened? Is the Spirit sleeping? Has it taken longer than expected for Jesus to return, so that God is economising the Spirit's power so it'll last out until that day? Surely not, for we well know that the Spirit is alive and active in our churches and amongst our brothers and sisters, renewing lives from the inside out, giving gifts and bearing fruit, and guiding through prophecy and the understanding of the Scriptures. So why don't we see healings, conversions by the thousands in a single day, or even the raising of the dead, in many of our churches?

He said to them, "Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.

- Matthew 17:20

I hear stories from missionaries of miraculous things happening in Africa and Asia, of the sort I would expect only to find within the covers of the Bible. For instance, the story of a girl being rescued from the clutches of a demon that was levitating her above the ground. I think to myself when I hear of things like this, "Wow! Isn't it amazing what God does over there?"

I spoke with a girl tonight, the sister of one of my friends. She grew up in an Anglican church, and so knows solid doctrine when she hears it. She now goes to a church that runs a healing ministry, where people are actually healed, and where this ministry is founded on biblically solid teaching. And I think to myself as I hear her speak, "Wow! Isn't it amazing what God is doing at that church?"

What kind of a reaction is "Wow!" anyway? I know what it's not - an expression of expectant faith. The Holy Spirit that works through missionaries to cast out demons in Africa is the same that transforms the hearts and minds of Christians in Sydney. The Holy Spirit which heals people in the Blue Mountains is the same that prophecies through the ministers at St Barnabas Broadway every Sunday. So why am I surprised, as though the Australian Customs people were so strict that demons just don't get into Australia, or as though healings can't happen when we have so many good doctors around? Why is my first reaction, "Wow!", without even a hint of "Well of course... if Jesus did it, of course His followers will do the same"? You see, it's not a "Wow!" of joy, it's a "Wow!" of suddenly-uncovered disbelief, because it is an almost completely foreign concept to me that this stuff actually happens now. And it's an even more foreign concept that it can happen here, right here in Sydney, at St Barnabas, in the EU, in the Terraces, through my ministers, my friends or even myself. In my world, I don't expect to see the power of the Most High at work in much more than a good run of green traffic lights... but it's not my world. In my world, the greatest spiritual battle is often to stand up against the temptation to let my Christianity be ignored as I talk to non-Christians (I don't belittle this battle, it's a huge and a very important one)... but again, it's not my world. In God's world, there are demons, who have a very powerful and treacherous master in Satan, but there is also the Almighty Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, who made demons tremble, who made the sick well, and who has defeated death, and there is the Holy Spirit, who Jesus sent to live in us, to teach us all things and to empower us with His power to do the things He did. God's world is this world, the one we live in, even this geographically, historically and culturally isolated country Australia, and He is the same here as He is anywhere else in it.

Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father. Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it. If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.

- John 14:12-17

Do you believe in Him? And if so, do you believe Him? When you approach Him in prayer and ask Him for something, do you expect to be given it? I know I have trouble believing that he will even help me to understand what I read in the bible; the thought that I could pray for healing, or ask someone to pray that I be healed, and that such a thing would be given, is mind-blowing to me. I find that as hard as I try, I cannot believe it, and so I dishonour the Lord and sin against Him by not believing what He said. So I'll start by repenting of my disbelief, and asking for the increase of my faith. I'll ask Him to teach me to come before Him the same way the beggars, blind men, cripples and lepers did - expectantly and earnestly trusting in His love and power. I will ask for a Christ-like heart, so that the desires of my heart will match that of His and the things I ask for will be pleasing to Him. I will take Jesus at his word - that when I ask for anything in His name, no matter how ballistically out-of-this-world my request is, and no matter whether it's a missionary in Africa who asks or just little old me, He will do it. He will do it, because it brings glory to the Father, and because He said so.

Do you believe Him?

long time no cardboard

Well, so much for the plans of updating the blog while I was overseas! I guess I was too busy writing novels to send back home every few days.

But I'm back...

...albeit slightly detoxed from my blog addiction.

Hopefully this will be a positive step forward in my life, allowing me more time to have a life and freeing me somewhat from the mundanity of a life consisting of staring at my computer screen waiting for nothing to happen.

Yay for fresh air and sunlight!