resolution

I love Victoria Park. The walk between Cleveland St and Glebe Point Rd, down towards and past the pond, past the sun-charmed water and through the wisened trees never fails to calm me down. You can drink in a sight like that for hours and come no closer to being able to express its beauty. The stillness and quietness always suprises me - it's almost as though the trees surrounding the park are a wall; all that can come through are the tired, weary or burdened who seek solace from the grey world in a haven of green.

The music essay is finished, the chemistry quiz is finished, my back is finished from being constantly tense for the last 38 hours or more; as I lay here in my darkening room, traffic softly caressing the tunes of Norah Jones like the sea carresses the beach, the memory of the green haven calming my thoughts, my eyes drooping towards the sleep they so eagerly desire, my aching back struggling to unwind itself, my mind as peaceful as it has ever been, I relax. A resolution came unlooked for yesterday to ease my mind about something that had held its attention for many weeks now. Although saddened, I look at it now and inexplicably see a beautiful peace of the like I have never seen in such a moment. It is a peace coming from the knowledge that God has all things in His hands, from seeing that He has had them there for quite a while now and that He has been preparing you to deal with them without you even knowing it. It is a peace that comes from truth, from trust honoured, from admiration, from friendship grown, from knowing that God is being obeyed. It is a peace that comes from having an ever-present question answered. With every question answered another one comes... but the burden of "why?" is not one I need to carry - God can keep that to himself, because He takes His children where he wants them to go and always gets them there. I can't explain that peace to you fully, because I don't understand it. But I am so grateful for it, and for the friends God has blessed me with the honour of knowing, who love me with the love they have known from God.

The light through the window is dim, but my eyes relish the cool dark for the moment. They have been used far too unforgivingly of late. They shall rest well tonight, when I have discharged my responsibilities and spent a few hours in good company. They yearn to see the Lord, to see the renewal of all things and the perfection of that which is good. Oh how they long to rest! But oh how they rejoice at the mercies they see each day coming from the hand of God. Oh the wondrous love of God, that he should love and care for one such as me!

I wanted to write more than this, to paint pictures with enough words to fill up a room, but my mind has atrophied after its mammoth effort on the music essay. I'll write more later/tomorrow.