sleepchaser

Well, if I'm not going to sleep just yet, I might as well write...

There has been much given me to ponder over the last few days. This pondering has shaped me and will continue to shape me... I wonder if clay feels this way when it is being moulded into a mug or something. The Lord told me that I must play to an audience of one. Him only. Not anyone I know. Not the EU. Not my friends. Not me. Only Him am I to take care to please, and only Him am I to serve. This is a thought that I am unfamiliar with - that I should even forsake my own judgement of myself and of my efforts, and let only God judge the work of my hands; duly, the work of my hands should be of fitting quality. No longer what I am satisfied with, but what He has made me capable of, that which will last when tested by fire, and that which is built in Christ's strength, with hands dedicated to the one whose hands were nailed to a cross for me. Finally I see how to live without a crippling lack of self-confidence, for I can see that when I fail (which I certainly will) and when I am empty (a sure thing to come), I can draw deep and unending from the fullness of God, because as Ephesians 3 says, I have begun to be established in love, to grasp how wide, how long, how high and how deep is Jesus' love for me and His people, and to know the love that surpasses knowledge and will never fail.

The Lord told me this too: "As go the leaders, so go the people". As a leader, I must lead with my life, being what I want those following me to become. This means being passionate, being evangelistic, loving, being open, being self-disciplined and being Christ-centred. This is a massive challenge, but as I've already said, I'm not standing my own strength but in God's strength and for His purpose.

You have no idea just how excited this all makes me.

I have begun to think differently, to process the thoughts that come into my mind in a different way. Today I discarded a thought that often I have entertained, and was refreshed to know that I need not be bound by my fickleness. I'm glad to be changing, and I'm thankful to God that He's letting me watch what He's doing as He does it.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I've discovered tea, a wonderful beverage in any form. I must have had at least five cups today. I believe I needed to be calmed, since backcombing dreadlocks is an arduous task at best, and I probably did this for about five hours today, maybe four. They're looking good though, the ones I've worked on. I was glad to wash my hair... but it's created a lot of work for me, which I desperately hope will not have to be repeated any time soon.