sleepchaser

Well, if I'm not going to sleep just yet, I might as well write...

There has been much given me to ponder over the last few days. This pondering has shaped me and will continue to shape me... I wonder if clay feels this way when it is being moulded into a mug or something. The Lord told me that I must play to an audience of one. Him only. Not anyone I know. Not the EU. Not my friends. Not me. Only Him am I to take care to please, and only Him am I to serve. This is a thought that I am unfamiliar with - that I should even forsake my own judgement of myself and of my efforts, and let only God judge the work of my hands; duly, the work of my hands should be of fitting quality. No longer what I am satisfied with, but what He has made me capable of, that which will last when tested by fire, and that which is built in Christ's strength, with hands dedicated to the one whose hands were nailed to a cross for me. Finally I see how to live without a crippling lack of self-confidence, for I can see that when I fail (which I certainly will) and when I am empty (a sure thing to come), I can draw deep and unending from the fullness of God, because as Ephesians 3 says, I have begun to be established in love, to grasp how wide, how long, how high and how deep is Jesus' love for me and His people, and to know the love that surpasses knowledge and will never fail.

The Lord told me this too: "As go the leaders, so go the people". As a leader, I must lead with my life, being what I want those following me to become. This means being passionate, being evangelistic, loving, being open, being self-disciplined and being Christ-centred. This is a massive challenge, but as I've already said, I'm not standing my own strength but in God's strength and for His purpose.

You have no idea just how excited this all makes me.

I have begun to think differently, to process the thoughts that come into my mind in a different way. Today I discarded a thought that often I have entertained, and was refreshed to know that I need not be bound by my fickleness. I'm glad to be changing, and I'm thankful to God that He's letting me watch what He's doing as He does it.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I've discovered tea, a wonderful beverage in any form. I must have had at least five cups today. I believe I needed to be calmed, since backcombing dreadlocks is an arduous task at best, and I probably did this for about five hours today, maybe four. They're looking good though, the ones I've worked on. I was glad to wash my hair... but it's created a lot of work for me, which I desperately hope will not have to be repeated any time soon.

before

after

Thanks to Hannah, Mim, Liz & Christina, who did an awesome job!

random think of the day ii

Life is like a deck of cards. It gets shuffled, you can play many different games with it, and it's annoying if it's not all there.

the encounter

I walk.

Down a sullen street in a grey city.

All around me is still, frozen, lifeless; the cars in the middle of the road, the people on the footpath, the token trees planted to bring life to dead concrete, all frozen still. Not a whisper reaches my ears from any source, save that of my own reluctant footsteps. Not the slightest breeze is to be felt. The stillness is unnerving.

The tiger eyes me warily, as stunned as I at the silence. We pass each other slowly, cautiously. I look into its eyes, and it reads my thoughts in mine, until we have passed each other and we turn, going on our way. I hear it turn after me as I walk on and it follows me, hesitantly following me with faltering steps of uncertainty. Does it read in my eyes that I would want to turn, to encounter it again, to lock eyes with it again? Does it wonder why I do not, regarding my continuance as coldness?

In this silence, the echoes of tumultuous dreams resound loudly, but the sun shines high above the grey, beyond the reach of the echoes. It is the sun that lights the street, thwarted by man's construction, but where is man now? Still, frozen, lifeless, silent, and motionlessly beckoning me to turn back to that which moves too. But the sun lights the path ahead.

quote

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

eternal sunshine

How happy is the blameless vessel's lot,
The world forgetting by the world forgot,
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,
Each prayer accepted, and each wish resigned.
- Alexander Pope

covered

Some days, the world just seems to be covered in water. "You fool, that's because it's raining..." I hear you say. But surely you would know of my infatuation with the metaphorical, and so be able to satisfy yourself that I am not deluded, nor am I saying that I am a fish, nor that I stayed in the bath too long, but that I do indeed have a hidden meaning behind my statement. Satisfy yourself that this meaning is deep, almost mysterious, saying to yourself "Hmmm, interesting..." and pondering the possible meaning for a short time, then move on to doing something a little less universally inconsequential.
actually... to tell the truth i just wanted an excuse to ramble...