bus tales: epilogue

Epilogue: Notes to the Road-using Public of Sydney and the World

1. Please learn how to merge.
I believe that 90% of traffic jams are caused by drivers being low on confidence, and that 95% of these traffic jams are caused by people lacking confidence as they merge. GOOD merging practice is to match your speed with the speed of cars in the lane you're merging into. That way neither of you will have to slow down more than 10km/h or so. BAD merging practice is to slow down and wait for an appropriately-sized gap in traffic. In Sydney, that's never going to happen. When you match your speed you can merge safely into a much smaller gap. When you slow down/stop, you hold up a row of traffic behind you and force some other nervous n00b to hold up another row of traffic as they let you in. In the end, traffic slows to a grind and roads become parking lots because you never learned how to merge properly. Get a grip, learn how big/small your car is, and stop slowing us down. The planet will thank you, and I won't want to bash your headlights in with a baseball bat.
I also believe the other 10% of traffic jams is caused by people slowing down to look at weird stuff. Please stop doing that too.

2. SUVs are of the devil.
I grew up in the country, where real 4WDs have a legitimate and valuable place on the roads. However, I have nothing but scorn for the imitation 4WDs that infest our city streets - the "Suburban Utility Vehicle" (you can say "it's supposed to be Sports Utility Vehicle" as much as you like, but that doesn't make it true). I don't really care what TodayTonight tells you - you're not safer in an SUV. Sure, there might be a little more metal protecting you from the outside world, but the ego trip that gives you is sure to attract the fury of every other motorist when it makes you drive like a tool. Driving an SUV does NOT give you a licence to cut in front of people. It does NOT give you a licence not to indicate. It does NOT give you a licence to drive like you deserve to be first in everything. It does NOT make you look cool, and it is NOT a fashionable lifestyle accessory. You're driving an overweight station wagon. You make it impossible for people in smaller cars to see safe distances ahead or around you. You generally act as though you removed your brain before you got in the driver's seat. You waste petrol. You are a menace to society. Grow up and get a social conscience.
If you drive a Ford Territory, this rebuke is directed doubly strongly at you. Particularly the part about how it does NOT make you look cool. Your SUV-driving counterparts may be driving Porsches or Mercedes or BMWs or even Toyotas (they started the SUV game), but you're driving a Ford. Seriously. If you want to waste petrol in a Ford, buy a Falcon. It's cheaper and it goes better... and, hey what now? It's SAFER. 5-star ANCAP rating. Methinks you made a bad choice.
If this rebuke offends someone I like, I'm really sorry, but I do think that in the majority of situations an SUV is an irresponsible car to be driving. Also, I have seen one or two well-driven SUVs, so I know their drivers aren't all bad... keep fighting the ego trip, good drivers.

3. Don't park in bus stops.
Bus drivers have a job to do, and you're making it hard for them. Sure, it might seem as though parking as close to the end of the bus stop won't be an inconvenience, but you've probably never had to pull a 12.5m heavy vehicle up parallel to the curb within easy stepping distance for old ladies. It's hard. I kid you not: every time I saw this I wished there was a legal provision under which I could either take out your car with my bus, or jump out of the seat and bash in your headlights with a baseball bat. And really, why on earth would you risk a $189 fine, or worse, a grumpy bus driver? Please don't park in bus stops. You're not helping anyone.

4. Look in your mirror before you open your door.
Giving a bus driver a heart attack is a bad plan. Opening your door to get out at the exact moment a bus is driving past is a pretty certain way to give a bus driver a heart attack. Do you want to keep your limbs and save the lives of up to 70 people? Check your mirror before you get out and wait for a safe gap. It's not that hard.

5. Giving way to buses.
Now, it may come as a surprise to those of you who never read road signs (I'm convinced you're out there), but there's a sign on the back of the bus that looks like this:

Funnily enough, this sign tells you that when a bus is indicating to merge, you're supposed to give way to it. It's nice when you let it. It makes the driver's job a whole lot easier if you obey the law.

...

Actually, to "obey the law", you shouldn't just let them in. The sign actually only entitles a bus to right of way when it's moving away from being stopped at the far left side of the road (so not just merging), and when it's been indicating for more than 5 seconds. Full details here: http://www.legislation.nsw.gov.au/fragview/inforce/subordleg+179+2008+pt.7-div.4+0+N

I just tell you this so you can be informed. However, I know for a fact that there are bus drivers out there who don't even wait for cars to give way before they pull out. Playing chicken with 15 tonnes of metal isn't smart... just let them in, and be prepared for them to cut in front of you.

And on that point... it's kinda funny watching people realise that they're going to have to give way to a bus. First there's an avoidance phase, where they move as far to the right of their lane as possible, and sometimes a little bit into the next lane. Then there's the acceptance, where they awkwardly stop and let the bus in. Then there's the face-saving manoeuvre, which inevitably involves racing past the bus at the next available opportunity. I laughed at people when they did this. It's much easier and safer if you just slow down and don't swerve.

bus tales: the end

Well, I'm no longer driving buses. At the moment, I'm choosing to see this as a positive career move. My stomach is enjoying its reunion with two-minute noodles, and I'm learning to treat take-away food as a last resort rather than a staple, but it's all for the sake of being a well-educated young man. I've had a week and a half away from the job now, and I've been thinking of the ways the job benefited me and of the things I've learned during the year. I thought I might share some of these.

This job taught me that I'm capable of more than I thought I was. A bit of determination and stickability can, apparently, lead to a strengthening of resolve in the face of a challenge, which in turn can lead to facing larger challenges with some kind of courage. Or some such. Basically, I almost quit on my third day at the depot, but I didn't, and I'm kinda glad. God gave me strength when I asked for it on those early early mornings, and He also gave me the courage to use it.

I guess it was also kind of fun. Driving a huge blue and white people cart can be enjoyable, and it's really not as hard as it looks. You get a whole new view of the road. Sometimes that's fun, and sometimes it's frustrating. There were more than a few moments when I found myself thinking "I am a leaf on the wind..." (just to disturb the Firefly fans), and that was a bit of a hoot.

I also got a different view of people, both passengers and other drivers. Some people are just plain rude without apparent cause, and I guess that's just prejudice. Passengers sometimes assume bus drivers are rude and ignorant, or that conversing with them in any way is beneath them. Bus drivers sometimes assume passengers are rude and ignorant, or that conversing with them in any way is beneath them. It's all just stupid really. We're all people, and all doing jobs so we can eat. Whether you want to be a bastard about it is up to you, but I can testify that it's much easier for both parties if you're nice. I think the best thing about this job was the regular passengers I had, who knew me and knew I was a nice guy and a good driver. They were nice to me back, and I think we brightened up each others' days. I was ashamed of my profession when other bus drivers were bastards to passengers, and I'm still extremely critical of bus drivers in general really. On one level, when your job is to sit in traffic jams and carry around a bunch of ingrates you'd expect to have a short fuse, but that's no excuse for being a rude old bastard. "Sad little king of his sad little hill..."

I don't think my faith stood up to the challenge of a high workload as well as I'd have liked. I'm going to have to be extremely careful with that in the coming years, and learn to prioritise better and trust what's trustworthy and not cut corners. The world is full of distractions, and I am a very distractable person.

All told, it's been one of the most informative years of my life. It feels weird for it to be over, and I have to admit that I miss some of the perks (particularly my employee travel pass... that was probably the most valuable thing in my possession). Still, onward and upward! This too will be an interesting year. Stay tuned.