disappointment

Nothing makes me want to scream in frustration like the thought of what might have been.

...well, more accurately, the thought of how things are now compared to how I once thought they could be.

The most surprising of these to me... it happened exactly how I thought it would. I didn't want it to happen, but I knew that it would, and after four and a half years I still don't know how to feel about it.

I suppose, all told, this is just what it's like to be disappointed in life... and that's going to happen more, about as surely as the sun's going to come up. If it doesn't, it means Jesus is back. I know that how I deal with it will determine a great deal of how I turn out as a person, and that I'm in God's hands and being moulded in that regard. Even so, my instinctive reaction is still to scream, and it stops me from sleeping.

wedding

So I was playing Fallout 3 and I got two people to get married. I gave the daughter of the galley cook in Rivet City some ant pheromones so she could seduce the acolyte at the local church who she was keen on. Weird, and wrong, i know, but hey. They got married with everyone there, and it was kinda nice. However, my absolute favourite part of the whole thing is how, at the ceremony, she was carrying a big freaking knife in her right hand.

I love weddings.

On a completely unrelated note, Rage is weird. I genuinely mean that. I just found myself staring at it open-mouthed in disbelief of the weirdness.

not 25 things

I feel slightly compelled to ask why everyone is taking up the 25 random things in a note challenge. It's not that I'm confused as to why people would do such a thing - on the contrary, I've blogged for years with the motivation that at least someone in the world would know what's in my head. That part I understand, though I do wonder at its legitimacy. What I wonder about now is the timing and the magnitude. Why now? Why so many? Is there a more profound reason than that it's fun?