Monday, June 13, 2005

green light

Right - seeing as though everyone is uber-stressed at the moment, here's a "green light stress relief pad" where anyone can leave a comment that vents about exam stress, life stress or anything else stress during the next few weeks. Just get it out, seriously. I plan to.

[Edit: I guess the whole point is that we can all pray for each other about the things that are aggravating us]

poetry iii

one shaft of sunlight
is enough to wake,
one pound of flour
is enough to bake,
one piece of pie
for hunger's sake,
one unheld cry
in sadness' wake,
one silver coin
in wildfruit cake,
one fickle madness
to refute a fake,
one envied bliss
does smiles shake,
one dizzy mess

must courage take.
--Iain


Futility

Move him into the sun -
Gently its touch awoke him once,
At home, whispering of fields unsown.
Always it woke him, even in France,
Until this morning and this snow.
If anything might rouse him now
The kind old sun will know.

Think how it wakes the seeds -
Woke once the clays of a cold star.
Are limbs, so dear-achieved, are sides
Full-nerved, still warm, too hard to stir?
Was it for this the clay grew tall?
- O what made fatuous sunbeams toil
To break earth's sleep at all?
--Wilfred Owen

Sunday, June 12, 2005

random think of the day

Like sunburn in winter, so are the Days of our Lives

[it's weird what comes randomly into your head sometimes!]

Friday, June 10, 2005

resolution

I love Victoria Park. The walk between Cleveland St and Glebe Point Rd, down towards and past the pond, past the sun-charmed water and through the wisened trees never fails to calm me down. You can drink in a sight like that for hours and come no closer to being able to express its beauty. The stillness and quietness always suprises me - it's almost as though the trees surrounding the park are a wall; all that can come through are the tired, weary or burdened who seek solace from the grey world in a haven of green.

The music essay is finished, the chemistry quiz is finished, my back is finished from being constantly tense for the last 38 hours or more; as I lay here in my darkening room, traffic softly caressing the tunes of Norah Jones like the sea carresses the beach, the memory of the green haven calming my thoughts, my eyes drooping towards the sleep they so eagerly desire, my aching back struggling to unwind itself, my mind as peaceful as it has ever been, I relax. A resolution came unlooked for yesterday to ease my mind about something that had held its attention for many weeks now. Although saddened, I look at it now and inexplicably see a beautiful peace of the like I have never seen in such a moment. It is a peace coming from the knowledge that God has all things in His hands, from seeing that He has had them there for quite a while now and that He has been preparing you to deal with them without you even knowing it. It is a peace that comes from truth, from trust honoured, from admiration, from friendship grown, from knowing that God is being obeyed. It is a peace that comes from having an ever-present question answered. With every question answered another one comes... but the burden of "why?" is not one I need to carry - God can keep that to himself, because He takes His children where he wants them to go and always gets them there. I can't explain that peace to you fully, because I don't understand it. But I am so grateful for it, and for the friends God has blessed me with the honour of knowing, who love me with the love they have known from God.

The light through the window is dim, but my eyes relish the cool dark for the moment. They have been used far too unforgivingly of late. They shall rest well tonight, when I have discharged my responsibilities and spent a few hours in good company. They yearn to see the Lord, to see the renewal of all things and the perfection of that which is good. Oh how they long to rest! But oh how they rejoice at the mercies they see each day coming from the hand of God. Oh the wondrous love of God, that he should love and care for one such as me!

I wanted to write more than this, to paint pictures with enough words to fill up a room, but my mind has atrophied after its mammoth effort on the music essay. I'll write more later/tomorrow.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

irateness

Look out lads, the "Boys are Stupid, Throw Rocks At Them" club is on the prowl in YOUR neighbourhood, looking to stone you to death at the merest wiff of testosterone. Be afraid.

In related news: inaugural meeting of the "Girls are Ingrates, Steal Their Chocolate" club next Wednesday before Origin.

Monday, June 06, 2005

medusa


I thought that, seeing as though so many people have said how cool the hair was, I'd show you it in all its Medusa-like glory. Its blurry, but I'm not trying to look cool by making weird hand signals, so I can put it up without embarrassment.

I still can't believe that a) I got that done, and b) I went to church with it. Was my 2nd time at that church... they thought I was trying to make some kind of statement...

d-day

I've often thought it ironic that the day known as D-day (the day that the Allied forces invaded German-occupied Normandy) happens to be the day that my Dad died.

It's called D-day, not because it was thought of as doomsday or Decision Day, but because every military operation's starting day is called it's D-day, just as an emphasis. 6/6/44 was the D-day of Operation Overlord, but that's consequential. The irony lies not only in the fact that "Dad" starts with "D", but that in a very real sense, the "operation" of living life without an earthly father started for me that day, 55 years later. Is it hard? I wouldn't know. The most formative years of my life have happened since then, and thought I can say that things would have been better had D-day not happened, that I wouldn't have gotten up to so much mischief, that I would still treat my family well, and that none of the stuff with my ex-stepfather would have happened, I know that all of that is pure speculation. What I do know is that God called him home. And I can see now the good that God has brought about through it all, despite the pain that was and still is and ever will be. What I have is an example to follow of a man that I knew far too little, but who lived life faithfully for the gospel of Christ, and who is now praising God in His very presence right now. Today marks his sixth year into a measureless eternity with his Saviour.

To live is Christ, and to die is gain.

-----------------------------------------

When weary feet despair to tread,
And each bright day has darkness fed,
When tired eyes would see no more,
And burdened hands would catch no fall,
Know then that God hath sent the rain
To wash away the pain.
-- Iain

Sunday, June 05, 2005

done

Its done - I've dropped Chemistry.

I've picked up History and Philosophy of Science instead. The ambiguous title "What is this Thing Called Science?" was just too much of an allurement for me :oP This of course means that after this upcoming exam period, I will never have another Chemistry class - or Maths class for that matter - in the foreseeable future. Yay for no more Chem! Yay for freedom from the opressive organic chemistry regime!* Yay for essays... hmmm. Leaving things has never been easy for me, so this is a brave new world, so to speak.

If you ever doubt whether you're saved, read Romans 1-8. I doubted - in fact I doubted more than just my salvation - but through this week God has planted me firmly on the foundation that He exists and has built up from there. Romans 1-8 speaks an incredible truth - we all sin and fall short of God's standards but God has justified us completely, so get on with living it out! It's nonsensical, but it's true. Don't give up.

* No such regime exists.

foundation

I'm really glad that I ended up going to Sonia's dessert soiree. I was unsure, even refusing the invitation at first, but to have the best of times with the best of people is hardly an opportunity to pass up. Especially when you have the best of food to satisfy any discerning palate. Sonia is such a generous host. Frozen berries and whipped cream is an utterly delightful dish at worst. I'm eagerly anticipating seeing the many photos that were taken throughout the night - my guess is about 200. To finish the night off with singing was great! Praise God that we can sing, and that we have something to sing about!

I'm not sure, but I think I'm sounding inconsistent because I'm distracted. I've been wondering of late about the nature of a blog, and why people would use them. I think it must be because there are people who just want to be heard, who for some reason cannot or will not be heard vocally. And am I such a person? I must be. I have written cryptically and repetitively in this blog about things I hesitate to tell even my closest friends. I have written poems and spun analogies whose meanings would embarrass me enormously should they fall into the wrong hands. So why on earth would I put these things in the most publicly accessible arena possible? Maybe I like the thrill of the chase; the thought that maybe, just maybe, these meanings will fall into the hands of someone whose intrinsic involvement in these secretive structures was hitherto unknown to them. Oh foolish man that I am! Why be chased when I can meet face-to-face and be known?

I'm glad for this week just past. Everything seems much clearer now. I know what I need to sort out; I know what I need to do; I know who I need to follow. Things are looking up, because I know God is on my side - at my side even - and that I am His. It's a fragile "up" I suspect, as it almost always is, but it's different this time - it's on a solid foundation. A trustworthy foundation.